Being a Black woman is…


Being a woman is hard. We go through so much and we always have to act a way that is suitable for society and god forbid that we actually go out and get what we want without raising a few eyebrows. But that is nothing though trust me.

Being a black woman is twice as hard. I didn’t fully realise this until recently. We feel like we have so much to prove but it’s never enough. If you live in Africa, you don’t really grasp how hard it is because hello! Everyone one else is black right?

Every time you open you mouth to speak, people think that you are opinionated and rude. I have been told I have a ‘attitude problem’ or that I simply have an attitude. That always ticks me off because, why the hell should I not have an attitude? The way I see it, if you really know what you want and how to get it, you will have an attitude that says you don’t deal with bullshit. People don’t see it like that though. I have been likened to Makosi of big brother fame just because I am outspoken. I am sorry but, how does telling someone how I see things make me a ho? *I don’t get it either!!. We are branded as loud and lacking in manners and please don’t even get me started on how people act surprised when they find out I am over 25 and don’t have a baby daddy! *I know right?*

Let me not even get into the fact that  our ‘brothers’ don’t want to date us because we are ‘long’!! That is laughable really. Just because you won’t take shit from some dude does not make me long surely does it? I have had conversations with a lot of men about this and they always leave me bemused. How can you say that black women talk back and give hell and just don’t shut up so you would rather not deal with that? I always tell them that is a bit offensive because seriously, have you met black men?  I had a chat with a good friend of mine who ‘didn’t do black girls’ *his words not mine*. I asked him why he wouldn’t date a sister and he told me plain and simple. ”Because, they are not easy” Surely, that should make things more interesting right? I sat open-mouthed waiting for the idiot to go on and I didn’t get much else.
I know everyone has their own preferences and I am not trying to belittle that. That being said, I come from a place where people think the lighter you are, the better looking you are so, I suppose it should not be really surprising that our men feel that way. I mean, black women bleach their skin just to be lighter and more beautiful right? **concept is totally lost on me* Every time I come across someone who is trying to lighten their skin, I remember the poem I was taught back in primary school. (Black Is Beautiful) ironic because I think my class 4 teacher was bleaching her skin!!.

The thing is, we don’t really make thing easy on ourselves sometimes to be honest. I could blame it on the pressure that being black in a non black country puts on us but who am I kidding? Some of us talk like we don’t have a flipping education, we are gold diggers and proud, we trap men by having kids and we always think someone is out to get us. I mean, have you ever seen a black woman arguing with someone in a public place? That scene is bound to make you cringe and wish you were anywhere but there or anything but black.

20 responses »

  1. Ladies of the sister hood might I say; if someone say’s to you that you are less attractive, you know who you are within yourself image of appearance why except verbiage which you know not to be true. My sister don’t be discourage be encourage. The life of a black woman travel’s from long ago of the mother land to a new era. You have come a long ways don’t turn back the clock back keep it going forward be encourage. Your beauty shines not only in your appearance but in your action.

  2. Really good article, I can relate 😦

    I try my best to make a good impression at work. For myself and as a black woman also. I’m not “pretty”, but I compensate with my work.
    I’ve read articles about the sizeable number of celibate black women in the US…sad.

    • Myra, be who you are with-in yourself and carry yourself accordantly as woman should; don’t to impress others it could lead disruption, feel good about yourself, and impress the woman that stands in your shoes and that will impress other who she your fair and grateful deeds, be encourage , be invincible, be a woman of success..

  3. Really good article, I am a man but I can see how hard it is to be a successful woman in our society without anyone thinking bad about her. And definitely things should be different, In my own opinion I really like black women (I’m a Mexican man) and feel like finding a black girl who thinks a lot about her goals and desires who is ready to fight for them and is not afraid of expression her opinion would be great. I really hope thinks change for the better in the near future…

  4. I think the society needs women to buy into its own images. Which aren’t the images of black women. I love being me and will never change, I hate seeing sisters diluting there looks be it through bleaching, or weaving, I don’t try to fit in at work, I don’t expect to get promoted and I don’t demand it because I know that if I want to create my own world and my real image my real ideals then I have to build my own company. We have to stop thinking other people, nations, societies will help us to do this. Many of us are satisfied with what is given to us, hence why the bleaching, the weaves the symbolism of western society, but a lot of us aren’t. Keep being different stay true to you. I always will and am proud to.

  5. I am a Filipino and i work closely with a black woman and because of her, i think black women are just beautiful. Inside and out. I am so in love with her….
    ….but we are both married 😦

  6. I’m a white woman, but I’m not entirely sure how to feel about black women bleaching their skin- I’ve known plenty of lighter women who go get spray tans. I believe God made every human being beautiful, sometimes I don’t feel like that looking at my milky skin… but I see these women who are naturally bronze/brown/black and I can’t help but think how beautiful they are. Seriously. Even the ones who are so black their skin shines BLUE. There’s beauty in diversity, & I wish no matter who a woman is, she would not rip herself up inside to be something else… The grass is always greener…

    On another note, I don’t put up with bull****, either. Men from other countries often say American women are “difficult” and have an “attitude.” No, you know what they mean? We’re not completely complacent/obedient. I would rather be the woman who stands up & leads, & has her own head in any given situation. A real man is gonna go for that.

  7. To be honest, everyone as hang-ups of some sort and we all want little of what the others have got.

    Black have nice bums, full lips and can have beautiful skin tones.

    Beauty comes in all shades, not Just white or light brown as the media & people like to promote. The world as all shades and no race or colour type should be made to feel less than another.

    Those that are the perpatrators of this are the ones with the complexes and issues and they are bullies and trying to get the viewers to join in!.

    Black woman are portrayed on shows like BB as being bullies. But when you watch the show its the people who are calling this woman a bully who are the ones plotting behind her back. Blackwomen can hold there own and why should we be ashamed of standing up for ourselves, cos if you look (nobody else is!)

    just like on xfactor Misha Bryan, because the other contestants felt threatened by her they started saying she was bullying them back stage to get her kicked-off. How low! She’s talented, She’s Black – Get over it!

    instead of complaining and picking flies – work on yourselves.

    My school-teacher told me:-

    “If faults in others you detect, look in the mirror and reflect.”

    in other words we all have faults, so don’t raise attention to someone elses problems/weaknesses (bullying) to take the attention away from your own weaknesses.

  8. There are a lot of changes that black women need to make. One is to stop the pity parties. If we really want to be viewed differently then we need to change the things that hold us back and that repel others. Only we can change our status in this country and it should begin with being women people would want to be around by losing weight, dropping afro-american hairstyles (these are hideous and do not reflect our beauty or ability to assimilate into mainstream), bad english, poor morals (babies oww), unbecoming attire (slutty, hood, or just bama-fied), uncouth behavior, public display of low-self esteem (nobody likes being around losers -especially self-proclaimed ones). This world is too competitive to be around people who don’t know how to win. Let’s learn to compete and play the game instead of being on the bench and complaining about it.

    • Thank you Tina. I believe you are right. That was my whole point. I am fed up with hearing black people talk like they have not been to school. Being well spoken is very attractive to me and i would not even bother responding to a black man who comes up to me and starts talking to me in a ‘hood’ language!. As for the hair and the clothes, please don’t get me started. Thank you for your comments.

  9. Strange. I’m a white man and always thought black women looked beautiful. First crush I had was in preschool was on this black girl and I remember looking across the room, saw her, thought she was cute, got nervous and played with toy cars.

    Toddlers are smarter than adults sometimes.

  10. Black Women less attractive? Is that the reason why other women get sun tans, curl their hair, plastic surgery for breat, but, lip increase?
    This is a joke! I love you black women. There’s nothing like you!

  11. Mind if I put my two cents here? I am dating a black woman( and she is beautiful inside and out) and I had never thought of having a relationship with one either. Before, I had dated Hispanic type or East indian mix, and found myself more drawn to being with a black woman. Why? I see the ‘sisters’ as strong minded and challenging. That so called ‘attitude’ others talk about is what makes a black woman unique, she possesses the quality to make decisive choices in what she looking for in her life. Whether it is a man, career, family or enjoying being who she is, respect needs to be honoured to her when she has to carry the weight of being strong and supportive. Not all black women have the capacity to do great things, (same can be said about anyone else) however for a black woman to prove herself, she needs to go beyond what is required of her to achieve her goals, even when others put them down. No man should ever put a woman down because he feels he has the power to do so, he loses the total respect of any woman when he does and makes life harder for the men who wants a solid relationship with a black woman.
    I dislike seeing beautiful black women playing the role of a (sorry to say this) “slut” to please the brothers who have so much insecurities that they need to put their own kind down.Those women can do better in their lives if the family structure remains solid. I am a father, I have a daughter (looks hispanic) and she is so smart, I am very proud of her. She will always have her dad’s protection (as well as moms) from the boys who are totally useless to society. I say, black women stay strong and proud of who you are, you have a culture rich in social support, beauty and stands out well to show the world…….watch out! You are coming!!! I support my woman in all that she represents, a mother, a soul mate, lover, friend, that attitude I love dealing with!!! You men out there who cant handle a strong black woman??? What is wrong with you guys???? Your ‘big’ talk means nothing to many because you do not have the intelligence to know what to do. These women are BEAUTIFUL in every way, and have qualities to make us for what the real men should really stand for……loyalty, integrity and respect. Lets make it so brothers!!! Sisters, keep working hard, the good Lord will reward each and everyone of you.

  12. ohhh god, I love love black woman and black man! they are the best of the world… I live in Argentina and here are´nt blacks. please blacks guys write me!

  13. People need to realize that there is a difference between being a bitch and being strong. I like strong women. I don’t like bitches.

    That being said, as a white woman, I’ve never dealt with these problems, but I can certainly understand why it would be hard in a society like this.

    I think black women are beautiful. ❤ The darker the better. Sometimes when I go to a store I'll see a woman with near pitch black skin. That is, it looks more grey than it does brown. Sometimes I'll feel myself blushing, or I'll realize that I was looking too long, and I'll have to look at something else. I wish I could burn those women into my memory, because that simple beauty and elegance is something I wish I could hold with me the rest of my life.

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