Don’t get me wrong. This is not one of those yahoo dating advice thingy. It’s just an observation I’ve made that i wish to share. Ok fine! It is like one of those yahoo dating advice thingy but not in that sense! So anyway, in the past, I’ve not really been a ”dater” Its always been like meet someone you like, go out the first time and then I’m in a relationship with them before getting to know them as it is very common in my culture. Lately though, after deciding that I was tired of being single, I have decided to date and see how it goes. (easier said than done trust me!)
As a woman, there are so many things to consider when you start dating. Having a clear understanding of what you want helps to a point but you also have to have it in the back of your mind that people can always tailor their characteristics to suit you until you’re completely sucked in before they show their ”true colours”. You have to gauge someone’s emotional and financial stability, their emotional availability, your compatibility and so on. What I have realised though is that, as much as dating is a two-way game, it’s usually the woman who has to be more careful. Men don’t want women that are too high maintenance so we have to be careful and be content with the little attention we get from them. ( That includes being clingy or needy)
Reading an article that was written by a woman on dating, I was quite surprised when I found though I did not agree to most of the bullshit she was spewing, she did have a point about why most women are single even after trying so many times and different forms of dating. The main thing is, we do not want to be seen as neurotic do we? I think every woman is to an extent though. If a woman isn’t a Little bit neurotic, then she is the ice queen and a man needs to stay as far away from her as she can because she is dead inside.
Lets take texting for instance. (just to elaborate on my neurotic point). How long would you wait for a text you sent to a man you’re dating to be replied before sending a follow-up text? One day? A week? How about an hour or two? Most of us girls would not send a follow up text (me included) not because I don’t want to come across as needy but because I just think its plain rude to ignore someone. It’s a matter of respecting each other. No one is too busy they cannot send a how are you text that takes less than a minute. But here is the case that, while some women would not bother to send a follow-up text, others would send one too many texts and give the man the impression that she is needy and clingy and most be dumped ASAP. Writing from my point of view, I would advice someone like that to just allow the situation to be and when the man is done doing his manly thing, he will contact you… then you can tell him to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. Because clearly, he does not want to be in your life for one and the other, his level of maturity and emotional availability is obviously not up to par with yous. You’re just wasting your time with someone like that.
The second and the most important I think is calling someone who you’re dating just to have a chat with them. The article by the clueless woman I read stated that, a woman should not call a man she is merely dating as men might see it as a bad sign and the relationship might end before it even starts! I mean seriously? I cannot pick up the phone and call a guy who has or is likely to see me naked? What is the world coming to?!. That bit actually made me laugh out loud as I did not see the point she was trying to make at all! I mean, I have a phone which for some strange reason (dunno if it’s a technical glitch) enables me to talk to others when I cannot see them and really, if a man gave me his number, why would he then not want to talk to me? What would have been the point of giving the number in the first place? I would not trust someone who I can only text and not call. People can text from anywhere. It’s a proven fact. I bet some of y’all have sent a cheeky text to one person while in the company of someone else (don’t deny it! ). Anyway, my point is, if you encounter a situation like that, you the woman are not the problem but the man is! Obviously, he is not ready to settle down or do it with you. Calling him over and over when all you get is a blank wall does not make you neurotic. It just means you have way too much time to waste. I’d say ditch the stress and move on to the next!
If you read articles on dating etiquette, all you get is the woman has to act a certain way or another to keep a man interested in her. She must be aloof like a man, she must get used to the treat them mean keep them keen attitude most men have these days. She must sit home like a good house wife and wait for the man to make the decision as to when they can have contact with each other. She must do all of these and then make the effort to put on lingerie in the bedroom to please the man! what a load of bullshit!
This is what I think about dating. First of all, you have to be high maintenance. Trust me, any woman with a bit of self-esteem is high maintenance. You have to be impatient because there is more out there if what you have is not working for you. You have to trust yourself and always trust your gut instinct when it comes to a man. Set yourself standards and stick by them no matter what and if a man is acting like its cool to ignore you for days and just walk into your life when he feels like it, have the guts to say to him: I’m sorry, I think I’m too high maintenance for you. Simples!! If that makes you neurotic, then so be it. It just shows that your level of emotional maturity far surpasses the person you are trying to date. When someone who really wants to be in your life comes along, he wouldn’t give a damn about any of those things. He would understand that the reason you text him is because you wish he was with you and he’d text back because he wants the same thing. He will answer his phone because even though what you might have to say is trivial, even the nonsense you speak is value by him.
Note to self: Do not read articles on dating again!!