You know when you receive a phone call from your female friend at 2.30am, there is trouble on the horizon and you have to get ready to put your Agony Aunt cap on. As much as you would just love to tell people how inappropriate the time of call is, you always have to bear in mind no one calls at 2.30 am for a social chat except that really annoying guy who shall not be named who insists on messing up my sleep pattern! Anyway, I digress. I spoke to someone who was very close to tears and the question they asked me was ”What is wrong with me?”. I knew instantly, there would be no I’ll call you tomorrow. My friend has dated for a while now and is apparently fed up as she seems to always attract the wrong sort of guy. I mean, I do everything right. No rushing the sex, no excessive phone calls or text messages, showing care and understanding and basically living by the dating rule book (I hate whoever wrote that by the way!) Still, she was coming out the loser every time. So, six months, two failed attempts and countless first dates later, she is ready to throw in the towel!
The thing with situations like that is, you can’t really tell a person what to do. The best I could do was tell her not to give up, maybe, take some time out to reevaluate, think about what she really wants and then try again. I mean, I couldn’t really tell her she needed to lower her standards,that would be stupid. I have to look in the mirror first as my standards are up there and really, I’ve been in the same situation as her. Still in the same situation as her so, I couldn’t really tell her that she may have done something wrong. Clearly, she wasn’t. (she read the dating rules book after all).
It got me thinking though, and as usual, that may or may not be a good thing. Why does dating have to be so hard? I don’t know about y’all but, don’t you just miss the days when you met someone and you both know you wanted to be together and that was the end of it? Don’t you miss the lack of self-doubt and constantly thinking if the person you’re with really likes you or not? I know I do. I also know, without reasonable doubt that, dating can be very lonely and scary. If you are not thick-skinned you will lose all your confidence and you will be filled with so much self-doubt, you’d be every shrinks wildest dream!.
Taking it slow when dating is not guaranteed to work. Going a 100 miles an hour in the beginning is not guaranteed to work. Doing it in between is not guaranteed to work! What then, is guaranteed to work? Er, nothing apparently? Maybe patience would work. Lowering your standards really won’t work. You will just end up with something you don’t need and will be back to square one. That much everyone knows.
I often think what it would be like to just have a glimpse into the mind of a person I’m on a date with and then quickly decide that I don’t really want that. You can’t ever be sure something would work out so, you don’t go into it expecting anything. Yes! I cracked it! Do not expect anything from anyone when you start seeing them. That is when you open yourself up for hurt and disappointment. As cynical as that may sound, it is actually the truth. Expect nothing and when it is meant to work (due to cosmic blah blah) It will work.
The best advice I could give to my friend, myself and anyone who reads this because they are going through similar issues is that, be happy. With yourself. If you are, people naturally gravitate towards you. Don’t be desperate. Everyone including the neighbour’s dog can smell desperation. Don’t be afraid to put an end to something you feel isn’t working for you. Don’t lower your standards (That’s very important) and most importantly, have fun with it without rushing into anything you’re not ready for. I always tell my girlfriends this; just because a boy wants to have sex with me does not mean he likes me and vice versa!
Thank you once again for putting up with my rumblings 🙂