Running Scared?!

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A friend said something to me today that really got me thinking. What happened was, we had a conversation about men as usual she told me; relationships are so weird these days women are even afraid of liking the guy they are dating for fear that it won’t work out. Now, I know everyone will say stuff about being positive and blah blah but, she actually had a valid point. I mean, there has been times that I have stopped myself from thinking about a guy I’m dating for fear that he is probably with some other girl and isn’t thinking about me. I have had moments when I pick up the phone to text someone to find out how they are doing only to change my mind because I ask myself; why shouldn’t they be the one to text and tell me how they are or ask how I was or what if they think I’m getting clingy or what if they think I’m putting pressure on them to have a relationship with me? 

Has dating gotten so bad that we have to second guess everything? What will happen if we let our guards down and actually gave someone chance? Do we have to analyse everything a man says to us or does because we want to know what they are thinking and their reason behind every action? The logical answer of course is no, we don’t have to do any of those things. That is only in theory. Putting it in practice is a different ball game though because, the truth is, dating has gotten that bad. How many times have you waited around waiting for a response for a text you sent to a guy you’re dating three days ago? How many unanswered phone calls? I will hold up my hands and say I am the worst at calling a man I’m dating purely because I’d feel like a total loser if he didn’t answer my calls.  Our generation has gotten so bad that we don’t even need each other any more! No wonder the sex toy industry is making such a profit!

I’ve always said to men that I am not independent, just self-sufficient. I can take care of my own so, the only thing a man can give me is time and attention and of course, companionship. If I’m not getting any of the above, I am so quick at running away, you can see the dust behind me! How many times have my girlfriends told me I don’t give people a chance? Thing is, I do give people a chance. It’s not my problem if they don’t take it and really, if someone really likes you, they will make an effort right?

Dating can be so emotionally draining that, if you are serious about meeting someone, you have to find ways to cope with the disappointments and hurts. My friend told me she simply does not have patience to stick around if she feels someone does not like her. That is a no brainer really because, who would stick around waiting for someone who does not like them? There’s an old African saying; “the chick’s dance is not attractive to the vulture”. We all have things that we do to protect ourselves from being hurt. For instance, not saving a guy’s phone number until at least after a month because saving their number means they have become important to you. Being really mean to a guy you’re dating just because you want to see how far you can go before he proves to you that he is sticking around. Sometimes, even coming on too strong just to gauge the guy’s feelings and how he’d react to you planning your wedding on your first date! (I did that :)) Fun times!

The trick really is figuring out if a guy likes you isn’t it? I have to ask though, do we really need to figure that out? If they like you, should they not tell you and more importantly show you? Why are we so afraid to get close to someone just because we are afraid of being hurt? There isn’t anything you can do about it either way. More questions than answers…

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7 responses »

  1. I totally agree with u Abena…am literally nursing a heart-break now….u really can’t blame we women..lessons learnt from bad and failed relationship makes some of us never want to get commited again..in my case I lost my bestfriend,my first love and soul-mate…trusting another man is never an option…someone like me will forever look over my shoulders..it will take a lot for a man to win me over better still to make me love again…..

  2. There really isn’t good or bad advice I can give you Dede, as I know where you’re coming from but, all I can say is this, I am slowly learning that not everyone is horrible. There is no such thing as trust any more but, you have to hope that the person you end up with will treat you right. Good luck and thank you for reading! 🙂

  3. Will you still be running away at age 50? Not everything that goes wrong in a relationship is the fault of the man. Women should also examine their lives and make the necessary adjustments if they want their relationships to succeed. You expect men to change for you but are you also ready to change for a man??

  4. Thanks for your comment Micky. I had to reread the post to find where I blamed men for troubles in relationships and couldn’t find that I did? The point of this post is basically to talk about the fears women have when it comes to dating. Not even relationships. I don’t know how you came to the conclusion that I was blaming men but, your opinion is duly noted. Thank you 🙂

  5. I totally agree with you Herty…to hope and pray that the person u end up with treats you right! People will always hurt or disappoint you! You can ONLY hope its not often…lol. Is there a way you can notify me when u put up new articles?

    • That’s all you can do really Maame. There are no guarantees in life and especially not in dating. Thank you for reading. You can click the follow blog button on my page and you will get amplification whenever I post. I’m glad you found this useful and thanks for reading 🙂

  6. Pingback: No One Is Frightened To Have A Relationship Status Change. | Kelly Speechless

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