As I sit here staring at my screen, only one thought keeps repeating in my head. ‘Why did you stop writing?’ I decided earlier to put a stop to my self-imposed ban on blogging and get my shit together but, it wasn’t until I started typing that I realised how much I’ve missed this and how stupid I was to let one minor setback make me question my judgement . I decided that I am going to be bigger and better and more honest than I’ve ever been with my readers.
So, why did I run away from myself for a couple of months? Well, I’m sure most of you will guess the answer. It was because of a boy. Just one little boy trapped in a man’s body actually brought me to my knees in the space of 3 weeks! I think that in life, we all meet people who make an impact on our lives whether good or bad.
Although I am a great expert (I know, right?!) at giving people advice on relationships, I am totally rubbish at having one so, I went into one with all the good intentions of a girl who believes that not all men are the same and put real effort into it. Oh, he was a good man! He was so good, after a week of dating; he had me eating out the palm of his hand. I mean, what girl would not be over the moon when a guy she has dated for only 2 weeks asks her to meet his sister? Although, that should have been a warning to me that it was too soon and we were moving too fast, I think I fell in love with him that minute! Don’t get me wrong, I was shitting bricks scared! My friends will tell you from our whatsapp group chats how crazy I was being. Questioning everything and second guessing myself but, he was so on point (for lack of a better word) that, even my friends called him Magic Mike because my attitude towards men had changed drastically since I met him.
It wasn’t to last though. When someone pays you so much attention and then suddenly stops, you try all you can to find out why and I am somewhat ashamed to admit I did a few things that I always tell women not to do. The phone calls and texts, the sleepless nights and the crying, the drinking (ha, that actually is because I enjoy a drink!)And it took me longer than we were together to actually get over it. All of this made me feel like I wasn’t even qualified to give anyone advice on dating!
What did I learn during my time out from blogging? Quite a lot actually. First of all, I know that I am not cut out for relationships. It’s not even about the right one coming along. It’s just a simple fact that, I like being alone. I don’t like thinking about another person and fretting over them. I don’t like that you open up to someone and give them all the tools they need to hurt you. I can’t even sleep properly if I am spending the night with someone so, what is the point? Everyone has a level of fuckedupness (yes, I just made that word up) in them and recognising them and dealing with them is better than burdening someone with them.
So, I am back to being myself again, I will continue to run as far away from emotional entanglements as long as I can and I am going to enjoy my life (blah blah). But, on a serious note, I missed all my loyal readers and I am not going away again. For now though, I will leave you with this amazingly true quote I found today: ‘’ passion is always a mystery and unaccountable, and unfortunately there is no doubt that life does not spare its purest children and often it is just the most deserving people who cannot help loving those that destroy them’’