I remember watching the film Good Luck Chuck and thinking that what if it really wasn’t luck that every girl he dated found the person they wanted to marry afterwards? What if he was just the guy you dated before you got married? It was not like he was an asshole to any of the girls that he was with but, somehow, nothing worked and they all moved and met ‘’the one’’ after breaking up with him. Was he just preparing these girls for marriage or serious relationships?
Well, my post isn’t about the film although it got me thinking about a similar issue in real life. There are a lot of people who have been relationship fluffers for other people in life. I know I always try to see things from everyone’ point of view but, I am going to talk about women alone today. I have had many conversations with my girlfriends in the past and present when a relationship ended and their ex moved on quickly, or they met a girl and got married or changed their Facebook relationship statuses quickly when they never did so with them ‘’What can she give him that I didn’t?’’ ‘’Is something wrong with the way I treated him?’’, ‘’I did everything for this guy and he couldn’t commit in the end!’’ I have always had this thing where I care too much for people. It’s a natural part of me and I can’t help it sometimes. It’s also the main reason for the above questions we women ask ourselves and our friends when we are comfort eating that tub of Ben and Jerry’s after yet another failed relationship.
Should we show commitment to someone we are not committed to? Is it a certain woman’s job to prepare a man for a relationship with another woman?
Take for example the girl who isn’t looking for anything serious or so she tells a guy that she started seeing because he said he wanted nothing serious from the start. They have a lot of fun, he thinks she’s cool and likes being around her because she don’t nag or ask questions. Then one day, out of the blue…BAM! The big question! ‘’where do you think this is going?’’. Er, this is the girl who told the guy she didn’t want anything serious? He finds a way to dodge her question, stops calling her and after a while, she stops trying to contact him too. And then she find out he is in an actual relationship with someone else and that upsets her? Maybe that girl he is with was really honest about what she wanted and he wanted her enough to make things work with her. If you want something serious, be honest from the start or you’ll end up being someone’s Chuck.
Showing commitment to someone who you’re not committed to is one of the big mistakes that we make when dating. It’s nice to be nice. After all, you won’t be wasting your time with someone you didn’t like would you? But please, don’t try to be their girlfriend when they have not asked you to be! Don’t be that girl who will cancel on her friends because he wants to hang out with you. Don’t be that girl who will cook and clean his house and mother him because you think that it will make it impossible for him to let you go. Don’t be that girl who will go above and beyond to make a guy know how much you like him because, the truth is, 90% of men will take you for granted when they know how much you like them. They will treat you like shit because you’ve given them the power to do so. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is in love with him and if he is a heartless bastard, there’s nothing worse. Being loving and caring to with someone you’re just dating will ultimately prepare him for how to behave in his next relationship. He may treat you like shit but, he will also know how that made you feel and when he does meet a girl he really likes, he will treat her better.
Giving a man power over you too early into dating is never a good idea no matter what others might say. It’s been tried and tested (by me obviously) and proven not to work. If you don’t want to be someone’s good luck Chuck, make sure you’re on a level playing field from the start.