I remember 10 years ago when I was still innocent (reasonably) and had this crazy idea of where I was going to be by the time I was 30 years old. I used to picture myself in a court room, working as a lawyer for free back home helping abused women and children for free. This subject was and is still close to my heart but, I never got that law degree. It wasn’t because I couldn’t do it. I gave it a good shot and did a good job of it until I decided it wasn’t what I wanted and dropped out. This has been the case with one or two things that I’ve tried to do with myself in the last few years and always seem to change my mind at some stage and move on to a new project.
Yesterday, I woke up an d thought; okay! It’s the big one. What have you done with your life? Anything that you are proud of? I thought about this for a while. Trying to create a CV in my head and failing miserably at it. I mean, I have a professional CV that makes me look as indecisive as anything. I have had many jobs I’ve hated and a few that I’ve loved. I have done this course and that course and feel a little like Lynn from Girlfriends. Remember her? Professional student with a bunch of qualifications and no sense of direction? Depressing thought. To know that you’re at the age where most people think you should be married with kids and all that jazz. But, I was going about it all wrong!
I forgot how easy it is for me to get a job because my CV is so versatile. I didn’t think about the fact that I have built a life for myself with little help from anyone. I didn’t remember for a minute that I spend my spare time a few times a week helping feed the homeless in the city I live in and have done so for a while. I didn’t think that after all the pain and hardship that has come my way over the years, I am still here, strong and with a can do, no bullshit attitude. I mean, I have had the abusive boyfriend, the thieving boyfriend, the back stabbing friend, the I only know you when I want something friend. You name it, I’ve probably had it! I have loved and lost… A LOT! I have conquered a lot of my fears and demons and I have lived life to its fullest for someone as young as me. I realised I have a lot to be thankful for and more importantly, I have some amazing people in my life who have supported every short-lived dream I’ve had and will probably continue to have!
After my great epiphany, I decided that my life is good. It is as perfect as I expect it to be and there is so much more in-store for me. I am amazed every time I see the number of hits on my blog, It’s great when I hand someone a bowl of soup or a sandwich and they smile at me like I just gave them the sun. That feeling, knowing that I am doing two things at the moment that I absolutely love no matter how hard they are.
In the last 6 months, I learned to let things go and not let stuff affect me like they used to and in letting go, I have opened myself up to so many more great experiences! I guess this is a note to myself: When in doubt, always remember that I’m half way there, on this crazy road that leads to who knows where… (ah, gotta love Paloma Faith)