Tag Archives: Dating

My Ex Was/ Is Crazy…

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I’ve turned this in my head for some time now and just a few minutes ago, I changed my TV channel to E4 and Made in Chelsea was on and that pudgy one, I believe his name is Spencer was telling his new girlfriend that his ex was crazy because she was paranoid that he was cheating on her all the time (which he was!). I liked his new girlfriend’s answer though. She said it drove her crazy when men said that about their exes and she was totally right. Man, if I had a dime for every time a man told me their ex was crazy! I never used to question why men said so things like that but, I learnt a few years ago not to take that at face value because, chances are, if a girl acts ‘crazy’, it’s because a man she trusted put her in that place. 

Take this stupid TV show for example, that guy has cheated on every girl he’s been with on the show so, if I was in that place as that ex of his, I would have been paranoid too! (Although she shouldn’t have been with the idiot in the first place). It took me back to a few years ago, when I was in a relationship with a guy that had a kid with another woman. He used to always tell me she was crazy and I believed it because I was unfortunately a victim of her ‘craziness’ but, once I had a chance to actually speak to her, I begun to question his sanity and not hers. I mean, if you get a girl pregnant, promise her the world and then go out every weekend to clubs and pick up girls to sleep with because your pregnant girlfriend couldn’t have sex with you and she found out? Do you then expect her to act anything short of crazy? I know I wouldn’t. I began to believe her stories more when he started going to clubs with his friends every weekend and then, the phone calls from other women started. One of them even found my number and TRIED to pick a fight with me! (I know right!) My reaction to that definitely put me in the crazy ex group but, it was a consequence of his actions. I was dating a boy I knew back in primary school in Ghana and he was engaged to a Nigerian girl AND was trolling the internet for more girls to sleep with… So, if his phone number ended up on Gumtree (I saw it as helping him to get what he obviously wanted, quicker), does that make me a crazy ex?  What about his behaviour? The worse thing a man can say about me after we’ve broken up is to tell his friends and new girlfriend that I was crazy. Men are devious and crafty and will NEVER tell the full story to another person (god forbid they say anything to knock themselves off the pedestal they put themselves on!). 

One will say; what if the girl was already crazy? It may well be that someone already has some issues which no doubt stem from past experiences, eg: relationship with male relatives, ex boyfriends etc but, I doubt there has been a crazy act by a woman towards a man without some sort of provocation from said man. If you tell a woman lies to get what you want from her and once you’re done, you decide to get rid of her (which is perfectly fine, not everything is meant to work out) in the worse possible way, like not answering her calls or texts, avoiding her and giving her excuses and sometimes even accusing her of things that you know she didn’t do and she gets angry and does something you don’t like, you call her crazy? Like Beyoncé said in Obsession, I’ll show you crazy! ha!

I’m not saying that some girls are not delusional and threaten to kill themselves, stalk you, boil your bunny and downloadtry to make you feel every inch as miserable as they do but, those are special cases that need professional help. Everyone has a bit of crazy in them and it doesn’t take much to bring it out sometimes but, like the legend Mike Tyson said in an episode of How I Met Your Mother; before you call a girl crazy, look at her ex, then you’ll see some real crazy! 🙂

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Why I shouldn’t get married

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Being a Ghanaian woman and as a result, having tons of Ghanaians on my Facebook friends list, it’s not unusual for someone to ask me when I’m getting married. In fact, it’s the question I get asked most by my friends and even total strangers. The only people who never ask me when I’m getting married are my family. The funny thing is, majority of the people who ask me this question are themselves single so it makes me wonder what their agenda is. Anyway, to get people to stop asking me, I decided to come up with reasons why I should not get married.

I don’t have a boyfriend. This is true. To get married, you have to start a relationship with a boy and me and boys have an understanding; they stay away from me, and I don’t chase them away with my crazy womanly drama and attitude.

I don’t like living with people. Since I lived with a man in 2006 or 2007 for 6 months, I’ve decided that if I ever live with a guy again, it’ll have to be his ashes so it does not talk back, ask me to cook, leave the toilet seat up, be there when I get home from work, demanding my attention when all I want to do is sit quietly and watch Holyoaks, towels on the bathroom floor, look after him when he’s sick, deal with dirty socks and laundry days, be nice to his friends when I just really wanna break the Xbox… you see where I’m going with this…

I don’t want children. They scare the hell out of me. Enough said.

I can’t commit to that kind of commitment. Yes it’s true, I have commitment issues that are so crippling sometimes, I ran away from people when they start getting too close. You can ask any of my old friends. I can’t even commit to friendships for a long time. That’s why I don’t have really close friends but know a hell lot of people. So, asking me to commit to something as big as marriage is just asking for trouble.

I am not mature enough. Sure I am wiser with age but, I really don’t fancy sitting at the dining table with a man and planning our budget or holidays or having joint accounts and having to tell him when I want to buy new shoes and stuff.

I am a little crazy. I can’t help it. I get these wild ideas in my head and I have an outlandish way of thinking and coming to conclusions. I can just picture my husband’s face when I explain to him calmly and logically (in my head) how I think it’s totally acceptable to tip cows over or to try to steal a park bench or why I think that I can be a Russian spy when I don’t speak Russian. 

I am flighty, cannot make up my mind on anything and I hardly ever finish things that I start because I get bored so easily. 

I really don’t like marriage. To me, it’s pointless. I asked someone I know who recently got married if it was any different and they said it was just like moving in with your girlfriend or boyfriend. If it’s not epic, don’t do it!! That’s my point.

I want to marry Channing Tatum and since he already has a wife, I guess I missed my chance!

So, there you have it. Next time anyone asks me when I’m getting married, I’ll just tell them marriage is against my religion. Or something.

Being a relationship fluffer…

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I remember watching the film Good Luck Chuck and thinking that what if it really wasn’t luck that every girl he dated found the person they wanted to marry afterwards? What if he was just the guy you dated before you got married?  It was not like he was an asshole to any of the girls that he was with but, somehow, nothing worked and they all moved and met ‘’the one’’ after breaking up with him. Was he just preparing these girls for marriage or serious relationships?

Well, my post isn’t about the film although it got me thinking about a similar issue in real life. There are a lot of people who have been relationship fluffers for other people in life. I know I always try to see things from everyone’ point of view but, I am going to talk about women alone today. I have had many conversations with my girlfriends in the past and present when a relationship ended and their ex moved on quickly, or they met a girl and got married or changed their Facebook relationship statuses quickly when they never did so with them ‘’What can she give him that I didn’t?’’ ‘’Is something wrong with the way I treated him?’’, ‘’I did everything for this guy and he couldn’t commit in the end!’’ I have always had this thing where I care too much for people. It’s a natural part of me and I can’t help it sometimes. It’s also the main reason for the above questions we women ask ourselves and our friends when we are comfort eating that tub of Ben and Jerry’s after yet another failed relationship.

Should we show commitment to someone we are not committed to? Is it a certain woman’s job to prepare a man for a relationship with another woman?

Take for example the girl who isn’t looking for anything serious or so she tells a guy that she started seeing because he said he wanted nothing serious from the start. They  have a lot of fun, he thinks she’s  cool and likes being around her  because she don’t nag or ask questions. Then one day, out of the blue…BAM! The big question! ‘’where do you think this is going?’’. Er, this is the girl who told the guy she didn’t want anything serious?  He finds a way to dodge her question, stops calling her and after a while, she stops trying to contact him too. And then she find out he is in an actual relationship with someone else and that upsets her? Maybe that girl he is with was really honest about what she wanted and he wanted her enough to make things work with her. If you want something serious, be honest from the start or you’ll end up being someone’s Chuck.

Showing commitment to someone who you’re not committed to is one of the big mistakes that we make when dating. It’s nice to be nice. After all, you won’t be wasting your time with someone you didn’t like would you? But please, don’t try to be their girlfriend when  they have not asked you to be! Don’t be that girl who will cancel on her friends because he wants to hang out with you. Don’t be that girl who will cook and clean his house and mother him because you think that it will make it impossible for him to let you go. Don’t be that girl who will go above and beyond to make a guy know how much you like him because, the truth is, 90% of men will take you for granted when they know how much you like them. They will treat you like shit because you’ve given them the power to do so. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is in love with him and if he is a heartless bastard, there’s nothing worse. Being loving and caring to with someone you’re just dating will ultimately prepare him for how to behave in his next relationship. He may treat you like shit but, he will also know how that made you feel and when he does meet a girl he really likes, he will treat her better.

Giving a man power over you too early into dating is never a good idea no matter what others might say. It’s been tried and tested (by me obviously) and proven not to work. If you don’t want to be someone’s good luck Chuck, make sure you’re on a level playing field from the start.

Let’s talk about text, baby!

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lets_talk_about_text_baby_poster-r08c3af65b4d84f13b62a54d18ed6ecfb_znt_216Texting. The greatest invention of the century. It’s so easy and convenient. It give us the chance to stay in touch with everyone that is important or not so important to us everywhere we are and we don’t even have to open our mouths. Hell, we don’t even have to spell properly for it to work. The best thing about it is, these days, you can text for free with apps like whatsapp, BBM, KIK, Viper to name a few which are completely free as long as you have internet, it’s a small wonder mobile phone services still offer talk time to customers.

But is texting all the time a good thing when you’re dating someone? Does it really give you a chance to get to know someone properly? Does it make it easier for us to lie to people because they can’t see or hear us? Does it make trusting people easier or harder? More importantly, does it enable cowardice? (I know too many questions, too little answers, right?)

Do you remember the days when people actually spoke to each other as opposed to texting all the time? I do. Were things better then? Yes indeed! The reason I say this is because people had to think twice before they spoke to you because there wasn’t a wall to hide behind. People ultimately had a lot more respect for each other because of talking (that’s what I think anyway).

I don’t get excited about giving my number to people anymore as I know that it will likely result in a lot of texting, I’ll get bored and decide not to respond after a while or vice versa. Out of all the men I’ve met over the last couple of years when I was actively dating, only 3 of them actually picked up the phone to have a conversation with me at least once a week. The rest was all a lot of text and no action and that was mostly why I lost interest in them. What happens though, when people hide behind text messages?

You know when you’ve been seeing someone for a while and things are not going so well. You get a text message out of the blue telling you you’ve been dumped and you just look at your phone crazy like damn! (yes, stole that from a rap song). You then get really angry and send a couple of abusive texts back calling them cowards for not being man or woman enough to tell it to your face. I doubt that the drama is ever about being dumped. It’s always about the way it was done and you feel like you at least deserve some respect. What do you expect though; we live in a world now where people are so lazy they can’t even be bothered to get out of bed in the morning! If you’ve seen someone naked more than once and you’ve spent time with this person and have decided for some reason that you don’t want them, do you not think that a phone call is the least they deserve? The answer sadly seems to be no.

Personally, I have issues with people who text more than they call you and I’ve said this before. People can text from ANYWHERE! I do it, you do it, and everyone does it. You know when someone you’re dating texts you a question which you think will be easy to answer by just phoning them, so you do and they don’t answer but then text you again right after? What is that about? Dude, I just rang your phone a second ago!? (Alarm bells).Personally, I think people who do that are very dodgy and I’ve never trusted anyone who texts more than they call.

I think that technology is amazing and the world has come so far, its remarkable. It won’t hurt for certain things to say the same though,but why talk about that when we can just text about it? 😉

And… she’s back!

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As I sit here staring at my screen, only one thought keeps repeating in my head. ‘Why did you stop writing?’ I decided earlier to put a stop to my self-imposed ban on blogging and get my shit together but, it wasn’t until I started typing that I realised how much I’ve missed this and how stupid I was to let one minor setback make me question my judgement . I decided that I am going to be bigger and better and more honest than I’ve ever been with my readers.

So, why did I run away from myself for a couple of months? Well, I’m sure most of you will guess the answer. It was because of a boy. Just one little boy trapped in a man’s body actually brought me to my knees in the space of 3 weeks! I think that in life, we all meet people who make an impact on our lives whether good or bad.

Although I am a great expert (I know, right?!) at giving people advice on relationships, I am totally rubbish at having one so, I went into one with all the good intentions of a girl who believes that not all men are the same and put real effort into it. Oh, he was a good man! He was so good, after a week of dating; he had me eating out the palm of his hand. I mean, what girl would not be over the moon when a guy she has dated for only 2 weeks asks her to meet his sister?  Although, that should have been a warning to me that it was too soon and we were moving too fast, I think I fell in love with him that minute! Don’t get me wrong, I was shitting bricks scared! My friends will tell you from our whatsapp group chats how crazy I was being. Questioning everything and second guessing myself but, he was so on point (for lack of a better word) that, even my friends called him Magic Mike because my attitude towards men had  changed drastically since I met him.

It wasn’t to last though. When someone pays you so much attention and then suddenly stops, you try all you can to find out why and I am somewhat ashamed to admit I did a few things that I always tell women not to do. The phone calls and texts, the sleepless nights and the crying, the drinking (ha, that actually is because I enjoy a drink!)And it took me longer than we were together to actually get over it. All of this made me feel like I wasn’t even qualified to give anyone advice on dating!

What did I learn during my time out from blogging? Quite a lot actually.  First of all, I know that I am not cut out for relationships. It’s not even about the right one coming along. It’s just a simple fact that, I like being alone. I don’t like thinking about another person and fretting over them. I don’t like that you open up to someone and give them all the tools they need to hurt you. I can’t even sleep properly if I am spending the night with someone so, what is the point? Everyone has a level of fuckedupness (yes, I just made that word up) in them and recognising them and dealing with them is better than burdening someone with them.

So, I am back to being myself again, I will continue to run as far away from emotional entanglements as long as I can and I am going to enjoy my life (blah blah). But, on a serious note, I missed all my loyal readers and I am not going away again. For now though, I will leave you with this amazingly true quote I found today: ‘’ passion is always a mystery and unaccountable, and unfortunately there is no doubt that life does not spare its purest children and often it is just the most deserving people who cannot help loving those that destroy them’’

Why Am I Single?

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I always have to smile when people act shocked when i tell them i am single. I mean really, it’s not that big a  deal. There are thousands of twenty something single women out there. There is also factors involved as to why people are the way they are. I could give you a million and one reasons why I remain single.

By choice; this is because, I am tired of trying just to fail. I have been with different people and it all ultimately comes down to one thing. None of them is the right one in the end.

Independence; because I like being my person. I don’t like having to answer to anyone and i certainly do not want to depend on someone for my happiness because it is scary.

Afraid of being hurt; this is because, I know I am probably going to come out of whatever relationship i go into worse off because I am too trusting and men take advantage of that and take the piss..

All these reasons I have given are valid and true but, it is also a load of bullshit! No one in their right minds will want to stay single by choice (unless they have an unhealthy love for cats!) I mean, who wouldn’t love to wake up next to a warm body in the mornings? Who wouldn’t want to go on dates and hold hands and share kisses and all the other stuff you do in a relationship? Independence is just a defensive mechanism for the woman who isn’t getting any. I mean, i am independent don’t get me wrong but, that is not a reason to be single. Everyone needs a shoulder to lean on sometimes like that song ‘Lean On Me’ . As much as i love buying my own shoes and paying for my own drinks in clubs and doing everything for myself, it will be nice to have someone pick up the slack sometimes right? One hand washes the other and all that stuff. Afraid of being hurt? Really, who isn’t? Everyone who has a heart is afraid someone might break it if they give them a chance. So, being afraid of giving my heart is also a moot point because, i am basically saying that i am a coward. (how about that?) Looks like i have killed most of my reasons for being single because, they were stupid to begin with so, let’s get down to the real reasons shall we?

Ultimately, i have only one reason for being single and it’s that i have issues. Yes, big ones. Like huge issues. That is why I am single. You know, when you start dating, you find out things about yourself. Some good and some will be bad. I guess you could say that it is an educational experience. Every time you meet someone, they bring out something different in you and when it ends, you learn a bit more about the wrong way or the right way to do things.
Having said that, I know that I have deep-rooted beliefs about certain things that make it hard for me to get close to people. I am afraid that i will love someone so much they will see it and run away from me. I am afraid I will not love someone enough and that will put them off me. I am afraid that I am too pig-headed to listen to anyone tell me what to do. I am afraid that, I am too argumentative to have a peaceful relationship. I am afraid that I love one person so much that I can’t seem to have any of me left to give to someone else if I try. I am afraid that he won’t be good in bed and I’ll cheat and vice versa. I am afraid that when it comes down to it, I will not be good enough for anyone.


These are some of my issues and I haven’t even touched the surface yet so, if you ask why someone like me, who isn’t only good-looking (I know) but, is independent, domesticated and all round sex god is single….. I HAVE ISSUES!