Tag Archives: girls

My Ex Was/ Is Crazy…

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I’ve turned this in my head for some time now and just a few minutes ago, I changed my TV channel to E4 and Made in Chelsea was on and that pudgy one, I believe his name is Spencer was telling his new girlfriend that his ex was crazy because she was paranoid that he was cheating on her all the time (which he was!). I liked his new girlfriend’s answer though. She said it drove her crazy when men said that about their exes and she was totally right. Man, if I had a dime for every time a man told me their ex was crazy! I never used to question why men said so things like that but, I learnt a few years ago not to take that at face value because, chances are, if a girl acts ‘crazy’, it’s because a man she trusted put her in that place. 

Take this stupid TV show for example, that guy has cheated on every girl he’s been with on the show so, if I was in that place as that ex of his, I would have been paranoid too! (Although she shouldn’t have been with the idiot in the first place). It took me back to a few years ago, when I was in a relationship with a guy that had a kid with another woman. He used to always tell me she was crazy and I believed it because I was unfortunately a victim of her ‘craziness’ but, once I had a chance to actually speak to her, I begun to question his sanity and not hers. I mean, if you get a girl pregnant, promise her the world and then go out every weekend to clubs and pick up girls to sleep with because your pregnant girlfriend couldn’t have sex with you and she found out? Do you then expect her to act anything short of crazy? I know I wouldn’t. I began to believe her stories more when he started going to clubs with his friends every weekend and then, the phone calls from other women started. One of them even found my number and TRIED to pick a fight with me! (I know right!) My reaction to that definitely put me in the crazy ex group but, it was a consequence of his actions. I was dating a boy I knew back in primary school in Ghana and he was engaged to a Nigerian girl AND was trolling the internet for more girls to sleep with… So, if his phone number ended up on Gumtree (I saw it as helping him to get what he obviously wanted, quicker), does that make me a crazy ex?  What about his behaviour? The worse thing a man can say about me after we’ve broken up is to tell his friends and new girlfriend that I was crazy. Men are devious and crafty and will NEVER tell the full story to another person (god forbid they say anything to knock themselves off the pedestal they put themselves on!). 

One will say; what if the girl was already crazy? It may well be that someone already has some issues which no doubt stem from past experiences, eg: relationship with male relatives, ex boyfriends etc but, I doubt there has been a crazy act by a woman towards a man without some sort of provocation from said man. If you tell a woman lies to get what you want from her and once you’re done, you decide to get rid of her (which is perfectly fine, not everything is meant to work out) in the worse possible way, like not answering her calls or texts, avoiding her and giving her excuses and sometimes even accusing her of things that you know she didn’t do and she gets angry and does something you don’t like, you call her crazy? Like Beyoncé said in Obsession, I’ll show you crazy! ha!

I’m not saying that some girls are not delusional and threaten to kill themselves, stalk you, boil your bunny and downloadtry to make you feel every inch as miserable as they do but, those are special cases that need professional help. Everyone has a bit of crazy in them and it doesn’t take much to bring it out sometimes but, like the legend Mike Tyson said in an episode of How I Met Your Mother; before you call a girl crazy, look at her ex, then you’ll see some real crazy! 🙂

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Why I shouldn’t get married

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Being a Ghanaian woman and as a result, having tons of Ghanaians on my Facebook friends list, it’s not unusual for someone to ask me when I’m getting married. In fact, it’s the question I get asked most by my friends and even total strangers. The only people who never ask me when I’m getting married are my family. The funny thing is, majority of the people who ask me this question are themselves single so it makes me wonder what their agenda is. Anyway, to get people to stop asking me, I decided to come up with reasons why I should not get married.

I don’t have a boyfriend. This is true. To get married, you have to start a relationship with a boy and me and boys have an understanding; they stay away from me, and I don’t chase them away with my crazy womanly drama and attitude.

I don’t like living with people. Since I lived with a man in 2006 or 2007 for 6 months, I’ve decided that if I ever live with a guy again, it’ll have to be his ashes so it does not talk back, ask me to cook, leave the toilet seat up, be there when I get home from work, demanding my attention when all I want to do is sit quietly and watch Holyoaks, towels on the bathroom floor, look after him when he’s sick, deal with dirty socks and laundry days, be nice to his friends when I just really wanna break the Xbox… you see where I’m going with this…

I don’t want children. They scare the hell out of me. Enough said.

I can’t commit to that kind of commitment. Yes it’s true, I have commitment issues that are so crippling sometimes, I ran away from people when they start getting too close. You can ask any of my old friends. I can’t even commit to friendships for a long time. That’s why I don’t have really close friends but know a hell lot of people. So, asking me to commit to something as big as marriage is just asking for trouble.

I am not mature enough. Sure I am wiser with age but, I really don’t fancy sitting at the dining table with a man and planning our budget or holidays or having joint accounts and having to tell him when I want to buy new shoes and stuff.

I am a little crazy. I can’t help it. I get these wild ideas in my head and I have an outlandish way of thinking and coming to conclusions. I can just picture my husband’s face when I explain to him calmly and logically (in my head) how I think it’s totally acceptable to tip cows over or to try to steal a park bench or why I think that I can be a Russian spy when I don’t speak Russian. 

I am flighty, cannot make up my mind on anything and I hardly ever finish things that I start because I get bored so easily. 

I really don’t like marriage. To me, it’s pointless. I asked someone I know who recently got married if it was any different and they said it was just like moving in with your girlfriend or boyfriend. If it’s not epic, don’t do it!! That’s my point.

I want to marry Channing Tatum and since he already has a wife, I guess I missed my chance!

So, there you have it. Next time anyone asks me when I’m getting married, I’ll just tell them marriage is against my religion. Or something.

Being a relationship fluffer…

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I remember watching the film Good Luck Chuck and thinking that what if it really wasn’t luck that every girl he dated found the person they wanted to marry afterwards? What if he was just the guy you dated before you got married?  It was not like he was an asshole to any of the girls that he was with but, somehow, nothing worked and they all moved and met ‘’the one’’ after breaking up with him. Was he just preparing these girls for marriage or serious relationships?

Well, my post isn’t about the film although it got me thinking about a similar issue in real life. There are a lot of people who have been relationship fluffers for other people in life. I know I always try to see things from everyone’ point of view but, I am going to talk about women alone today. I have had many conversations with my girlfriends in the past and present when a relationship ended and their ex moved on quickly, or they met a girl and got married or changed their Facebook relationship statuses quickly when they never did so with them ‘’What can she give him that I didn’t?’’ ‘’Is something wrong with the way I treated him?’’, ‘’I did everything for this guy and he couldn’t commit in the end!’’ I have always had this thing where I care too much for people. It’s a natural part of me and I can’t help it sometimes. It’s also the main reason for the above questions we women ask ourselves and our friends when we are comfort eating that tub of Ben and Jerry’s after yet another failed relationship.

Should we show commitment to someone we are not committed to? Is it a certain woman’s job to prepare a man for a relationship with another woman?

Take for example the girl who isn’t looking for anything serious or so she tells a guy that she started seeing because he said he wanted nothing serious from the start. They  have a lot of fun, he thinks she’s  cool and likes being around her  because she don’t nag or ask questions. Then one day, out of the blue…BAM! The big question! ‘’where do you think this is going?’’. Er, this is the girl who told the guy she didn’t want anything serious?  He finds a way to dodge her question, stops calling her and after a while, she stops trying to contact him too. And then she find out he is in an actual relationship with someone else and that upsets her? Maybe that girl he is with was really honest about what she wanted and he wanted her enough to make things work with her. If you want something serious, be honest from the start or you’ll end up being someone’s Chuck.

Showing commitment to someone who you’re not committed to is one of the big mistakes that we make when dating. It’s nice to be nice. After all, you won’t be wasting your time with someone you didn’t like would you? But please, don’t try to be their girlfriend when  they have not asked you to be! Don’t be that girl who will cancel on her friends because he wants to hang out with you. Don’t be that girl who will cook and clean his house and mother him because you think that it will make it impossible for him to let you go. Don’t be that girl who will go above and beyond to make a guy know how much you like him because, the truth is, 90% of men will take you for granted when they know how much you like them. They will treat you like shit because you’ve given them the power to do so. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is in love with him and if he is a heartless bastard, there’s nothing worse. Being loving and caring to with someone you’re just dating will ultimately prepare him for how to behave in his next relationship. He may treat you like shit but, he will also know how that made you feel and when he does meet a girl he really likes, he will treat her better.

Giving a man power over you too early into dating is never a good idea no matter what others might say. It’s been tried and tested (by me obviously) and proven not to work. If you don’t want to be someone’s good luck Chuck, make sure you’re on a level playing field from the start.