Tag Archives: Personals

My Ex Was/ Is Crazy…

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I’ve turned this in my head for some time now and just a few minutes ago, I changed my TV channel to E4 and Made in Chelsea was on and that pudgy one, I believe his name is Spencer was telling his new girlfriend that his ex was crazy because she was paranoid that he was cheating on her all the time (which he was!). I liked his new girlfriend’s answer though. She said it drove her crazy when men said that about their exes and she was totally right. Man, if I had a dime for every time a man told me their ex was crazy! I never used to question why men said so things like that but, I learnt a few years ago not to take that at face value because, chances are, if a girl acts ‘crazy’, it’s because a man she trusted put her in that place. 

Take this stupid TV show for example, that guy has cheated on every girl he’s been with on the show so, if I was in that place as that ex of his, I would have been paranoid too! (Although she shouldn’t have been with the idiot in the first place). It took me back to a few years ago, when I was in a relationship with a guy that had a kid with another woman. He used to always tell me she was crazy and I believed it because I was unfortunately a victim of her ‘craziness’ but, once I had a chance to actually speak to her, I begun to question his sanity and not hers. I mean, if you get a girl pregnant, promise her the world and then go out every weekend to clubs and pick up girls to sleep with because your pregnant girlfriend couldn’t have sex with you and she found out? Do you then expect her to act anything short of crazy? I know I wouldn’t. I began to believe her stories more when he started going to clubs with his friends every weekend and then, the phone calls from other women started. One of them even found my number and TRIED to pick a fight with me! (I know right!) My reaction to that definitely put me in the crazy ex group but, it was a consequence of his actions. I was dating a boy I knew back in primary school in Ghana and he was engaged to a Nigerian girl AND was trolling the internet for more girls to sleep with… So, if his phone number ended up on Gumtree (I saw it as helping him to get what he obviously wanted, quicker), does that make me a crazy ex?  What about his behaviour? The worse thing a man can say about me after we’ve broken up is to tell his friends and new girlfriend that I was crazy. Men are devious and crafty and will NEVER tell the full story to another person (god forbid they say anything to knock themselves off the pedestal they put themselves on!). 

One will say; what if the girl was already crazy? It may well be that someone already has some issues which no doubt stem from past experiences, eg: relationship with male relatives, ex boyfriends etc but, I doubt there has been a crazy act by a woman towards a man without some sort of provocation from said man. If you tell a woman lies to get what you want from her and once you’re done, you decide to get rid of her (which is perfectly fine, not everything is meant to work out) in the worse possible way, like not answering her calls or texts, avoiding her and giving her excuses and sometimes even accusing her of things that you know she didn’t do and she gets angry and does something you don’t like, you call her crazy? Like Beyoncé said in Obsession, I’ll show you crazy! ha!

I’m not saying that some girls are not delusional and threaten to kill themselves, stalk you, boil your bunny and downloadtry to make you feel every inch as miserable as they do but, those are special cases that need professional help. Everyone has a bit of crazy in them and it doesn’t take much to bring it out sometimes but, like the legend Mike Tyson said in an episode of How I Met Your Mother; before you call a girl crazy, look at her ex, then you’ll see some real crazy! 🙂

Me, Myself And I.

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I stand in a crowd of people and feel incredibly alone. I wonder why that is?  All my life, I have felt like there is a piece of me that is missing. It seems like I am always running towards something but never get close enough to crab it. Maybe, half of  the problem is that I don’t know exactly what it is that I am running towards. Every time I think that I have it figured out, it slips through my hands again.

I am with someone. I wonder why I still feel this way? Like I don’t belong with this person that i am with? I turn my head every chance I get because I keep thinking that piece of me that is missing is not in the place I am trying to look right now. I see the man and he is caring and loving and gentle but, he is not that piece I am looking for. I wonder why that is? Is there something wrong with me? Because, he is not the problem. I see him do all the right things and say all the right things and never gives me reason to doubt but, his kisses are empty and his touch makes me cold. I can’t connect with him in the way that he will like me too because, I just don’t feel like I belong.

I love somebody. It is the hardest thing I have had to endure because, he loves someone else. I finally feel that I belong in a place only to find that I am the unwelcome visitor. Still, I stay and pray that it will work because it took me too long to get to this place. I suffer through pain and humiliation because I think that it will be worth it in the end. I bare my soul and do whatever I can to hold on to this one man who’s kisses are like a drug to me and who’s touch melts me no matter how upset I am. I fight for him and fight with him and in the end, I get what I want from him only to find that he can never really give me what I want. At least not now anyway.

So now, I am back. It’s  a full cycle and I realize that no matter how hard I try, I will not find that thing that makes me complete because, it already belongs to someone and so, I am back to this. Going through the motions of life and trying not to let myself endure kisses that leave me bereft and touches that leave me cold. All that is said and its me, myself and I!.