Tag Archives: Relationships

Why I shouldn’t get married

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Being a Ghanaian woman and as a result, having tons of Ghanaians on my Facebook friends list, it’s not unusual for someone to ask me when I’m getting married. In fact, it’s the question I get asked most by my friends and even total strangers. The only people who never ask me when I’m getting married are my family. The funny thing is, majority of the people who ask me this question are themselves single so it makes me wonder what their agenda is. Anyway, to get people to stop asking me, I decided to come up with reasons why I should not get married.

I don’t have a boyfriend. This is true. To get married, you have to start a relationship with a boy and me and boys have an understanding; they stay away from me, and I don’t chase them away with my crazy womanly drama and attitude.

I don’t like living with people. Since I lived with a man in 2006 or 2007 for 6 months, I’ve decided that if I ever live with a guy again, it’ll have to be his ashes so it does not talk back, ask me to cook, leave the toilet seat up, be there when I get home from work, demanding my attention when all I want to do is sit quietly and watch Holyoaks, towels on the bathroom floor, look after him when he’s sick, deal with dirty socks and laundry days, be nice to his friends when I just really wanna break the Xbox… you see where I’m going with this…

I don’t want children. They scare the hell out of me. Enough said.

I can’t commit to that kind of commitment. Yes it’s true, I have commitment issues that are so crippling sometimes, I ran away from people when they start getting too close. You can ask any of my old friends. I can’t even commit to friendships for a long time. That’s why I don’t have really close friends but know a hell lot of people. So, asking me to commit to something as big as marriage is just asking for trouble.

I am not mature enough. Sure I am wiser with age but, I really don’t fancy sitting at the dining table with a man and planning our budget or holidays or having joint accounts and having to tell him when I want to buy new shoes and stuff.

I am a little crazy. I can’t help it. I get these wild ideas in my head and I have an outlandish way of thinking and coming to conclusions. I can just picture my husband’s face when I explain to him calmly and logically (in my head) how I think it’s totally acceptable to tip cows over or to try to steal a park bench or why I think that I can be a Russian spy when I don’t speak Russian. 

I am flighty, cannot make up my mind on anything and I hardly ever finish things that I start because I get bored so easily. 

I really don’t like marriage. To me, it’s pointless. I asked someone I know who recently got married if it was any different and they said it was just like moving in with your girlfriend or boyfriend. If it’s not epic, don’t do it!! That’s my point.

I want to marry Channing Tatum and since he already has a wife, I guess I missed my chance!

So, there you have it. Next time anyone asks me when I’m getting married, I’ll just tell them marriage is against my religion. Or something.

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Let’s talk about text, baby!

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lets_talk_about_text_baby_poster-r08c3af65b4d84f13b62a54d18ed6ecfb_znt_216Texting. The greatest invention of the century. It’s so easy and convenient. It give us the chance to stay in touch with everyone that is important or not so important to us everywhere we are and we don’t even have to open our mouths. Hell, we don’t even have to spell properly for it to work. The best thing about it is, these days, you can text for free with apps like whatsapp, BBM, KIK, Viper to name a few which are completely free as long as you have internet, it’s a small wonder mobile phone services still offer talk time to customers.

But is texting all the time a good thing when you’re dating someone? Does it really give you a chance to get to know someone properly? Does it make it easier for us to lie to people because they can’t see or hear us? Does it make trusting people easier or harder? More importantly, does it enable cowardice? (I know too many questions, too little answers, right?)

Do you remember the days when people actually spoke to each other as opposed to texting all the time? I do. Were things better then? Yes indeed! The reason I say this is because people had to think twice before they spoke to you because there wasn’t a wall to hide behind. People ultimately had a lot more respect for each other because of talking (that’s what I think anyway).

I don’t get excited about giving my number to people anymore as I know that it will likely result in a lot of texting, I’ll get bored and decide not to respond after a while or vice versa. Out of all the men I’ve met over the last couple of years when I was actively dating, only 3 of them actually picked up the phone to have a conversation with me at least once a week. The rest was all a lot of text and no action and that was mostly why I lost interest in them. What happens though, when people hide behind text messages?

You know when you’ve been seeing someone for a while and things are not going so well. You get a text message out of the blue telling you you’ve been dumped and you just look at your phone crazy like damn! (yes, stole that from a rap song). You then get really angry and send a couple of abusive texts back calling them cowards for not being man or woman enough to tell it to your face. I doubt that the drama is ever about being dumped. It’s always about the way it was done and you feel like you at least deserve some respect. What do you expect though; we live in a world now where people are so lazy they can’t even be bothered to get out of bed in the morning! If you’ve seen someone naked more than once and you’ve spent time with this person and have decided for some reason that you don’t want them, do you not think that a phone call is the least they deserve? The answer sadly seems to be no.

Personally, I have issues with people who text more than they call you and I’ve said this before. People can text from ANYWHERE! I do it, you do it, and everyone does it. You know when someone you’re dating texts you a question which you think will be easy to answer by just phoning them, so you do and they don’t answer but then text you again right after? What is that about? Dude, I just rang your phone a second ago!? (Alarm bells).Personally, I think people who do that are very dodgy and I’ve never trusted anyone who texts more than they call.

I think that technology is amazing and the world has come so far, its remarkable. It won’t hurt for certain things to say the same though,but why talk about that when we can just text about it? 😉

And… she’s back!

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As I sit here staring at my screen, only one thought keeps repeating in my head. ‘Why did you stop writing?’ I decided earlier to put a stop to my self-imposed ban on blogging and get my shit together but, it wasn’t until I started typing that I realised how much I’ve missed this and how stupid I was to let one minor setback make me question my judgement . I decided that I am going to be bigger and better and more honest than I’ve ever been with my readers.

So, why did I run away from myself for a couple of months? Well, I’m sure most of you will guess the answer. It was because of a boy. Just one little boy trapped in a man’s body actually brought me to my knees in the space of 3 weeks! I think that in life, we all meet people who make an impact on our lives whether good or bad.

Although I am a great expert (I know, right?!) at giving people advice on relationships, I am totally rubbish at having one so, I went into one with all the good intentions of a girl who believes that not all men are the same and put real effort into it. Oh, he was a good man! He was so good, after a week of dating; he had me eating out the palm of his hand. I mean, what girl would not be over the moon when a guy she has dated for only 2 weeks asks her to meet his sister?  Although, that should have been a warning to me that it was too soon and we were moving too fast, I think I fell in love with him that minute! Don’t get me wrong, I was shitting bricks scared! My friends will tell you from our whatsapp group chats how crazy I was being. Questioning everything and second guessing myself but, he was so on point (for lack of a better word) that, even my friends called him Magic Mike because my attitude towards men had  changed drastically since I met him.

It wasn’t to last though. When someone pays you so much attention and then suddenly stops, you try all you can to find out why and I am somewhat ashamed to admit I did a few things that I always tell women not to do. The phone calls and texts, the sleepless nights and the crying, the drinking (ha, that actually is because I enjoy a drink!)And it took me longer than we were together to actually get over it. All of this made me feel like I wasn’t even qualified to give anyone advice on dating!

What did I learn during my time out from blogging? Quite a lot actually.  First of all, I know that I am not cut out for relationships. It’s not even about the right one coming along. It’s just a simple fact that, I like being alone. I don’t like thinking about another person and fretting over them. I don’t like that you open up to someone and give them all the tools they need to hurt you. I can’t even sleep properly if I am spending the night with someone so, what is the point? Everyone has a level of fuckedupness (yes, I just made that word up) in them and recognising them and dealing with them is better than burdening someone with them.

So, I am back to being myself again, I will continue to run as far away from emotional entanglements as long as I can and I am going to enjoy my life (blah blah). But, on a serious note, I missed all my loyal readers and I am not going away again. For now though, I will leave you with this amazingly true quote I found today: ‘’ passion is always a mystery and unaccountable, and unfortunately there is no doubt that life does not spare its purest children and often it is just the most deserving people who cannot help loving those that destroy them’’

Me, Myself And I.

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I stand in a crowd of people and feel incredibly alone. I wonder why that is?  All my life, I have felt like there is a piece of me that is missing. It seems like I am always running towards something but never get close enough to crab it. Maybe, half of  the problem is that I don’t know exactly what it is that I am running towards. Every time I think that I have it figured out, it slips through my hands again.

I am with someone. I wonder why I still feel this way? Like I don’t belong with this person that i am with? I turn my head every chance I get because I keep thinking that piece of me that is missing is not in the place I am trying to look right now. I see the man and he is caring and loving and gentle but, he is not that piece I am looking for. I wonder why that is? Is there something wrong with me? Because, he is not the problem. I see him do all the right things and say all the right things and never gives me reason to doubt but, his kisses are empty and his touch makes me cold. I can’t connect with him in the way that he will like me too because, I just don’t feel like I belong.

I love somebody. It is the hardest thing I have had to endure because, he loves someone else. I finally feel that I belong in a place only to find that I am the unwelcome visitor. Still, I stay and pray that it will work because it took me too long to get to this place. I suffer through pain and humiliation because I think that it will be worth it in the end. I bare my soul and do whatever I can to hold on to this one man who’s kisses are like a drug to me and who’s touch melts me no matter how upset I am. I fight for him and fight with him and in the end, I get what I want from him only to find that he can never really give me what I want. At least not now anyway.

So now, I am back. It’s  a full cycle and I realize that no matter how hard I try, I will not find that thing that makes me complete because, it already belongs to someone and so, I am back to this. Going through the motions of life and trying not to let myself endure kisses that leave me bereft and touches that leave me cold. All that is said and its me, myself and I!.